I haven’t been around much lately

I’ve been in and out of this little Land of Electronic Words and Pictures sporadically at best over the past few days, and it’s likely to stay that way, at least for a little while.

Sorry to those of you who’ve left comments or emailed, I know I owe a bunch of you some return emails or Twitter messages and I haven’t been visiting your blogs like I usually do. I suck. I admit it.

Please don’t take it personally. I’m just a little heartbroken right now.

Fifteen years is a long time to live with someone. Especially when they belong to you. When they wait for you to come home every day, and sleep snuggled up next to you every night. When you’re the only one somebody truly loves and trusts, and they just tolerate everyone else, it’s hard to lose that somebody.

“Hard” is a shitty word for this, but right now I’m pretty much at a loss for words. Hence the lack of blog posts and twitter messages and emails. Words are failing me right now.

I could babble on about how we first found him as a lonely, abandoned kitten; about all the events of my life he was around to witness; about how he said goodbye just nights before he disappeared with a long, sad look as he rested on my chest; about how I failed him by not taking him to the vet sooner, because I wasn’t ready to lose him. I could go on and on and on, and in fact, I did do that when I first wrote this post. But I went back and deleted it all, because it was all just words and there really are no words to describe what he meant to me or what a hole he’s left now that he’s gone.

I’ve lost pets before, and I know I’ll stop moping soon. I know he had a good life, and a pretty long one, for a cat. But right now I’m kind of not all right. For the moment, I just want to grieve a little and maybe stop going outside every couple of hours with a hopeless sense of hope to see if he’s out there like he always was, waiting for me.

Rest in Peace, Simon

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