I Really Don’t Know Why I’m Doing This

So when I was cruising around Blogland yesterday I noticed that several of my very favorite blog writers have joined this thing called NaBloPoMo, and I was all, “Why’re all these people promoting a bunch of pedophiles? Sickos!!” but then I realized I was actually thinking of NAMBLA, which stands for Man-Boy-Love, or something, and is totally gross and offensive. It turns out NaBloPoMo doesn’t have anything to do with pedophiles at all, but instead it’s a ridiculously lame abbreviation of “National Blog Post Month,” which is some kind of weird movement where a bunch of bloggers join up and agree to post something every single day for the entire month of November.

Which is almost equally as twisted.

After I figured out that NaBloPoMo (do you have any idea how annoying it is to type something with so many misplaced capitalized letters?) was NOT a perverted blog movement promoting pedophiles but instead a month-long, daily blog festival, I wondered to myself, “Why on EARTH would anyone want to do THAT?” which was a little awkward because I actually said that out loud and the creepy dude in the next cubicle heard me and immediately wanted to know “Why on earth would anyone want to do WHAT?” and I had to come up with something real quick-like because I am SO NEVER letting that guy know that I have a blog.

So I just said the first thing that came to my mind, which was, “Pee their name in the snow” and he was all “I can do that” and I was all “Congratulations” and he was all “Well, if it’s winter, and you’re outside, might as well have fun with it…” and I was all “SHUT UP! I don’t want to know about your weird pee habits!” and he was all “Well, you asked.” And I couldn’t really argue with that because I guess I kind of did. And he laughed like it was funny that he grossed me out but really he didn’t understand how gross I actually think he is, all the time, with or without this new peeing knowledge.

But the point is, I struggle enough just to write a couple of posts a week, and I think you’ve seen how the already questionable “quality” of my “writing” can suffer when I’m under pressure to publish something. It’s not unusual for me to go three or four days without a post and then freak out and write whatever the hell is running through my mind, and the next thing you know there’s some bizarre post about a shrunken version of Sammy Davis, Jr.

Controlling my body, or a crazy conspiracy theory in which my husband and Crock Pot are in cahoots to kill me with blinding insanity, or I’m posting exploitative pictures of my son or gratuitous photos of my husband for a cheap laugh (which is still totally worth it), or I’m just aimlessly rambling on about the gross top of my refrigerator or getting stuck in traffic. (See previous paragraph if you’re not sure what I mean.)

Basically, I panic and create a bunch of bullshit that nobody thinks is funny but me.

So I really don’t understand what would possess someone to commit themselves to posting something on their blog EVERY DAY for 30 DAYS. That is absolutely insane. It is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. Anyone who does it is clearly some kind of masochistic nutbar.

Which is exactly why I MUST DO IT.

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