So I’m waiting in line at the Clinique counter for my FREE GIFT (because if there’s no FREE GIFT, what’s the point?) and I’m looking around me and realizing that all of the other women in line are devastatingly horrible looking. And I think to myself, “Huh,” but then I catch a glimpse of myself…

February 1985. Frank Erwin Center, Austin, Texas. The stadium is filled to capacity. Stage hands swarm behind a curtain, preparing for the show; a huge Jumbotron hangs over the stage, screen black. Individual bodies are hard to make out with the lights so low… but you can hear them — a sea of small voices…

So a couple of days ago I wrote this post about my experience, which was partly blissful and partly, well, NOT. And I guess I pissed some people off and made others think and even others are now turned off of the conference thing for good because they think I said it sucked, which really…

I absolutely LOVED meeting people I know through their blogs and twitter. I made something of an ass out of myself, sure — but really, would I BE “Bejewell” without a few social retard moments and ill-timed, awkward hugs? (Sorry again about that, Anissa.) I think not. It’s part of my charm. Right? RIGHT??!? Of…

Dear dude on the motorcycle with the handlebars that outsize you by like four times. WHY do you think this makes you look cool? I’m pretty sure you paid extra for those handlebars and I just really have to know WHY. It can’t possibly be because you thought they would make you look manly. It…

This stupid fucking high-school-vampire-wolfman book series is the number one reason why I haven’t posted anything on this blog in over a week. I admit it. It got me. I’ve been sucked in. (Pun totally intended.) The first book’s been sitting on my shelf for months and I really had no intention of reading it,…

I’ve been in and out of this little Land of Electronic Words and Pictures sporadically at best over the past few days, and it’s likely to stay that way, at least for a little while. Sorry to those of you who’ve left comments or emailed, I know I owe a bunch of you some return…

Now look, I’m not the Parenting Police. I don’t cast stones because god knows I let my kid play with and do a lot of shit that he probably shouldn’t. He watches too much TV, eats too many french fries (we’re not still calling them “freedom fries,” are we? because that was Sofa King WE…

I’m six, maybe seven, and my dad’s just picked me up from the university’s community pool after a big day of splashing around with my friends. Over my bathing suit I wear a green t-shirt with a picture of an apple on it that says “Spoiled Rotten” in sparkly letters. Dad piles me and my…

I stood back and watched as it exploded into a zillion tiny pieces, littering the sky with tiny wooden shards. I cackled when they blocked out the sun. As the debris fell and burned, the silhouette of a man stood on the other side. I squinted to get a better look, and the flickering fire…