So, Deb has this idea that whatever you write in ten minutes is coming from your primal brain (or something like that…look, I can’t go look up what she actually calls it because hello? Ten minute limit to write). Deb does these neat PROMPTuesday things – I’ve never participated in one because well, she has, like, rules and topics and all kinds of stuff that make me feel uncreative and a little sad. But the idea of sitting down and just cranking out whatever’s in my head with a ten-minute limit? Awesome. So I’m going with it.
Why am I doing this, you ask? Because I have things to say, and when I sit down and let myself actually think about those things, much less try to write about those things, I freeze. I just totally choke. It’s like my brain just shuts the fuck down because going there? Scary. Panic attack inducing, even. So, yeah. Ten minutes. With a topic. I’ve already killed two minutes just babbling. Go me.
Anyway, I’ve recently been thinking about old relationships, relationships which, for one reason or another, are over. I think part of it is writing the x365s. The past is more immediate, more real, more here because I’m going back in my memories to come up with things to say. One of the ramifications of this is a nostalgic view of past relationships, a tendency to be kinder and gentler to those who are no longer in my life. Another ramification is a quiet sorrow for lost things, lost people, lost love.
What I would like to say to all of those people is, “Thank you. You taught me a lesson I needed to learn, and you loved me as best you could. I, too, loved you as best I could. I have tried to forgive you and hope that you forgive me. My heart holds nothing but a wish for you to have joy and love and, most of all, peace. These are things I have now, and regardless of what our relationship was like or how it ended, you are a part of who I am today, you helped me to find this joy and love and peace for myself. So again, thank you.”
Well, who knew my primal brain could get all nice and shit? And in eight minutes?